Posting this to save others the six hours I just spent.
So I wanted to rework my whole network and installed a UniFi router to replace my ISP-provided modem/router, with all the VLAN bells and whistles. I ran into an issue where my NAS only assigned an IP address of 169.254.x.x. The only way to actually connect was with a straight Ethernet cable from my computer to the NAS.
I tried the suggested fixed IP in the adapter settings. I tried switching the NAS to all different VLAN, and nothing seemed to work. Firmware upgrades and downgrades all failed through the WebUI and QFinder.
The working solution was to create a new virtual switch from my adapter to the desired IP. Finally, a 2-minute workaround fixed everything.
Hopefully this will save the next person a lot of time.
Model TS-231P2, firmware QTS 5.2.9.3451